Air Out Your Laundry Feb 2015

Air-Out_Laundry

(for entertainment purposes only…mine)

Dear Readers,

Here we go again, The Evil Red Day is upon us once more and like the years past I’m getting some seriously stupid questions.

Let’s get a few things straight: Guys if you’re with a girl for 8 months or more and you spend ample time together buy her a nice piece of jewelry, or give her a good amount of ching on a gift card to purchase something she likes. If you just started dating, dinner and flowers will do.

Ladies if you are with your guy for a while and he rides, get him a gift certificate for the shop he takes his bike to, or an accessory shop, leather place, etc. If it’s a new relationship, I say give him something inexpensive and get to know him better before you spend any serious cash on his arse.

Ok, now that that’s settled let’s get to Air out Your Laundry.

 

** Dear Mistress,

I’m a single guy (here we go)….I’m looking for someone to hang out with. All the women I meet are weird, slutty, don’t work, or have too much baggage. My friends are now calling me The One Date Wonder. Do you have any suggestions on how to meet a “normal girl?”

 

~~Dear One Date Wonder,

Geez you picky twit, the way you’re whining… Did you ever stop to think that the variety of women you describe are most likely the result of the places you are meeting them at? And if that is the case than who the hell are you to talk? Maybe you should take a look in the mirror, I’m sure that the women who you meet are saying the same crap about you.

 

** Dear Mistress

I don’t ride but my girl does (oh boy). She keeps telling me to jump on the back. I will not be her backseat bitch, so I get in my truck and meet her and her friends. I’m starting……

 

~~Dear Backseat Bob,

Get some b@lls and a bike.

 

** Dear Mistress,

I am bartender and I’ve been on my job for over or close to 2 years, never stolen a thing, or taken a drink without paying. I keep things clean and neat, but I can’t seem to build my shift. My boss KNOWS I want a night shift and has passed me up……

 

~~ Passed Up Patty,

Been there, done it, find a job and quit, NO NOTICE, when you’re not appreciated TIME TO GO….

 

** Dear Mistress,

I love my boyfriend, (Oh God, make me sick) he’s so handsome and sweet, (now I want to HURL) my only problem is he touches up an old tattoo on his chest with make-up and occasionally wears mascara…….

 

~~ Really?? You wrote in to tell me your boyfriend is a transvestite? UGGGGH!

 

** Dear Mistress,

I’m friendly with my boss and his wife. My family is out of state, so I’ve been to their house on holidays, etc. One morning I got in to work much earlier and snagged him with a co-worker.  I did, I was bad and I got a photo (now we’re talking), I was going to show his wife but I’m saving this for a barter……

 

~~ Wow someone with a brain and shifty like me…..hmmmmm maybe we should partner up?

 

That’s it for this month….keep writing in at themistress625@gmail.com

HAVE A GREAT MONTH and come join me and the FTM crew at the 13th Annual Full Throttle IceBreaker Bash on March 1st at 89 North in Patchogue 1-7pm!! BE THERE!