Air Out Your Laundry – August 2016

air out laundry_imgageDear Readers – I’m sitting here chilling on Fire Island, yeah you heard that right Fire (f……ing) Island, I could care less about half of what you think! I’m in a house on the water in fabulous Cherry Grove! Oh, did I mention that the house also comes with a very adorable house boy, who serves me black berry sangria, amongst other things… If all goes well, and I’m not traveling, I will see you at FTM’s Anniversary Party on August 28th. Mwah,

The Great And Powerful Obi Wan Cannoli

 

Dear Great and Powerful,

My friend and I both have girlfriends, my girl can afford to lose ten lbs and his girl well at least 100. Her

name is Heather and I knick-named her Heather-Potomous in jest, my friend hasn’t spoken to me in 2 weeks.

 

Hippo Joker,

I can’t imagine why your friend won’t talk to you. Even though it is hysterical, tell your bud to grow

a set and get over it. I’ve been called worse!

 

Dear Obi Wan,

I’m sitting here at a family function and some of my relatives (that married into the family) seem to find it funny to crack racial jokes. I’m not really into the racist thing, I was raised differently.

 

Conservative,

Oh Geez, I was raised differently too, but crap, it’s because of pansy asses like you people like me get into

trouble (but I could give a flying rats ass, since I have a lawyer on retainer). I say, speak up, or forever hold your peace.

 

Dear Great Cannoli,

I have a serious problem. I hate my wife and I can’t come up with enough ways to get rid of this P.O.S.,

spoiled rotten, worthless s-bag!

 

Marital Misery,

Dude, I have only one thing to say, P.M. me for my lawyer’s number. I don’t get some people. They are so unhappy in their marriage, but don’t think about making the call to start the big D papers? There are 2 legal documents that every marriage should have, one is a license, and the other is an outline of how to start the divorce proceedings, complete with a good D attorney’s #.

 

Holy F*#@ Cannoli

I love my girlfriend dearly, we have been best friends for many years, but since she has had a child she feels

the kid has to go everywhere with us. I don’t want to sound mean, but I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids and

I don’t like them. When we go for lunch there is no need for her to get the kid out of day care to bring along with us. I’ve hinted a zillion times that I’m not comfortable…Cut Off!

 

Holy Cannoli Crap,

Are you kidding me? Tell her to leave the little brat in day care, or lunch is a no go. And if that is too harsh for ya, then why don’t you start using your brain and take your girl out to places that are NOT kid friendly. Comedy club, strip club, R rated movies, adult themed hotels, casinos etc…

 

WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE…….

 

SIGNING OFF FROM FIRE ISLAND, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

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