Air Out Your Laundry-March 2016

air out laundry_imgageFor entertainment, purposes only…MINE!

Dear Readers,
Do I have some winners for you this month! But first I’d like to take time out to thank my readers for all your support. And the haters, well, you get a bigger thank you for spewing crap and making me more famous. You know who you are!

Holy Cannoli,
I came home the other day to find my boyfriend watching porn with his toy in one hand and a bowl of ice cream in the other. I screamed at him and called Stanley Steamer as fast as I could. Holy cow, they pulled out a black light and went over my couches activity. I cannot get over the amount. I’m really freaked out and concerned that I can catch something from it. I rest on the couch before going to bed.

Dear Ding Bat,
I can hear your annoying squeaky voice as I type. You swap spit and other fluids maybe you should shut your trap and put your head elsewhere.

Hey G,
I’ve sent you a few pictures of myself and you haven’t responded. I’m guessing my pictures aren’t good enough……

(here we go)Hey idiot:
1. You keep deleting email addresses and use different I.P. servers, (you’re a Western Suffolk County LI boy) and I use boy literally!
2. Your pictures suck, get a real camera for your S**TY Selfies and send them to someone who cares.
3. I’m involved and the package you carry doesn’t compare to the package I am receiving. NOW – BE GONE!!

Hi Geri,
I met a guy on an all girl’s vacation. I spent our last night there with him, and it was the most wonderful night of my life. He had a lot of tattoos, but one stood out the most. I know you are going to think I’m some weirdo, but can I locate him from the tattoo?

Listen Sista;
You sound like some 17yr old, immature, scab who gave their virginity up to the football captain in high school and was ignored after the deed was done. Lesson Bitches: STOP SPREADING YOUR LEGS FOR EVERY TOM, *DICK* and HARRY you’re giving girls like me a bad name!

Hey Cannoli,
You stole your name from someone online …………….. (grr I hate stupidity)

Dearest Moron,
Story: The name *Cannoli* was given to me from my guy because we like whipped cream! End of Story, schmuck!

Obi Wan Cannoli:
I am wondering whom my daughters father really is. I am married and we had been trying to have a baby. One night all of my college friends and I caught up for a drink and the 3 guys I used to have group sex with, well, we went back to our old habits and had unprotected sex!

Dear Obi Wan Dumb-OLI:
If anyone knows your email address it can give away your secret… NOW you can thank me because I was kind enough not to put it in print. Advice: if your husband is a good father; I’d shut my mouth, be a good mother, and NOT have unprotected group sex anymore! (Stupidity at Its Finest)

*My Pick of The Month*

Mistress Cannoli,
I have a problem and I am worried. I’m a single guy and have been taking care of my own needs. I’ve noticed that I can get 220 stokes in about 30 minutes, now it’s only 190, so I was…(Well, I’m not.)

Yo Stroker
You’re worried? I’m concerned…who the hell has time to count during activity?
Well there ya have it. Once again, my head is spinning from the wackadoo write-ins that I read through and answer each month. And my friends wonder why I have crazy dreams! Until Next month.