Air Out Your Laundry – Feb. 2014

Air-Out_Laundry

 

 

 

Dear Readers,
The evil red day is upon us ~ Friday Feb 14th. Men do NOT forget your woman. If you haven’t learned anything from me by now, and you do mess up, and your mate writes in… I will rag on you. Do NOT ask why…it’s just because I can. If you are having trouble on deciding what to buy your lady, my preference (and mine only) is you can’t go wrong with dinner, flowers (one rose will do) and of course the almighty gift card (Fredericks, Victoria’s and let’s not forget the shoe store) with a heavy dollar amount for her to buy something hot, steamy and sexy to wear for you! Jewelry is always a good to go to for the extra “S” mile you’d like her to give you!
Ladies, practice your yoga and read the Kama Sutra! You don’t have to be an athlete to have a great, romantic, evening. Just remember the thigh high boots with a stiletto heel and a hot pair of panties!
There is always the boudoir photo shoot. (Call Me for details 516-541-6000)
Have a great month and see every one soon xoxox The Mistress
** Dear Mistress,
I’ve been having some weird dreams, when I say weird I mean weird. It consists of a jar of peanut better, a turkey baster and plaid stamps. I have heard that sometimes dreams can be sending messages or have specific meanings. I’m so confused; can you make any sense out of this?
++ Dear Freak,
I’ve had some weird ones myself, but your taking this Month’s Prize! Post the plaid stamps on your privates ~ schmear the peanut butter on your naked body and run around with the turkey baster (use your imagination).
** Dear Mistress,
I’ve been eyeing my girlfriends high heels lately……………………I’m cutting this one off ~ another (bleep bleep) freak!! Go into NYC, you can find ones to fit your hoofs there!!
** Dear Mistress,
My cousin came up from SC for a holiday visit. He did nothing but rag on everyone with his slimy comments and stupid stories. I let it slide since he is a long distance relative and we don’t have to put up with him on a regular basis. I just found out that in a couple of months he will be coming back for a family wedding. If he starts running his mouth, how do we ask him to tone it down and not ruin the brides day?
++ My Dear Get Creative,
Go up to the venue a week before and scope it out. There is always a tree far off to duct tape the little “D” Bag to and cool him off. Eventually the maintenance men will find him!! (Call me for that special picture).
** Dear Mistress,
So New Years Eve I take my girlfriend of 6 months out on the town and show her the best evening she has seen in a long time. I rent a limo to pick her up; we eat fine food, dance, drink champagne and have one of the best evenings ever. After we get back to my place she gets all freaky on me. Hey, I’m no prude, but some of the things she wanted to do were such a turn off that it really just killed it for me. Of course, she got insulted and left in a huff. She calls me the next day and tells me that she was sorry for her behavior and blamed it on the champagne (she only had 2 glasses). I think she was testing the waters and used the champagne as her fall back. We are obviously very different in our sexual desires, so I think it’s time for me to move on. I was just wondering if I should give her the details before I walk.
++ Dear Get Your Freak On,
If everything else in your relationship is good than you might want to rethink your decision. Maybe (you) should have had a few more glasses of champagne and let (your) creative juices flow. So her sex drive is a little freaky. Haven’t you ever heard of thinking outside of the box? Did the thought ever occur to you that with a little fine tuning you and her could have a great thing going?

Well there ya’ go folks, from peanut butter, to hoof covers, to freaks and duck tape, I’ll never let you down!!

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