Air Out Your Laundry April 2017

Dear Readers,

I don’t know about any of you, but is it me or are there more wacko’s out there than I thought. Well, it sure seems that way. Between driving and almost getting killed every other day; to morons in the super market that mow you down to get to a cashier first; to older, ungrateful, handicapped individuals that curse you out for trying to help them. All I know is, “It’s scary out there.”

To those I promised I’d go to the I.B. Bash, sorry I couldn’t make it, one of my closest friends, Jackie is moving to NC, so we want to spend our free time together, plus she preordered tickets for a bizzare/horror flea market. Now on that note, let’s get this crazy column going. Who’s My First Victim?

Hey Geri,

I was sitting next to you and friends at a restaurant recently and some guy said, Happy Happy Joy Joy may show up. Never, since I’ve know you have you paid your bill so fast and ran. What’s up with that Chicken S***?

 

Hey Meathead,

I’ll give the nutcase your phone number. I bolted before the psycho came down. I don’t want to go to jail for beating the snot out of her. She stalked me for a year, almost got me fired from 3 jobs and had the audacity to pull my medical records because she worked for a doctor that was affiliated with my x-doctor…ENOUGH SAID?

 

Hey Cannoli,

I got a good one for you. I work in this huge warehouse and this guy has slept with almost every girl there. He keeps hitting on me. He is good looking, but…

 

Dear I’m not impressed,

Blah Blah Blah tell the m.f. to blow it out his A$$ and kick him square in the nutz!

 

Dear Cannoli,

I need advice. Why can I meet a decent girl? I have a lot to offer, but I’m still unmarried and miserable about it.

 

Dear UnHappy, unMarried Idiot,

Do you really think happiness lies in being married? You putz, marriage is work and I have a news flash for you, the state of NY has one of the highest divorce rates. You’ve been admitted into the Tard-emic Category! Please put a rope around your neck and jump!

 

Yo G,

Do you make this stuff up or do idiots really write in?

 

Yo A$$ Munch,

What planet are you living on? It takes all kinds to make up a world. And yes, as hard as you may find it to believe, there are actually people out there who value my opinion. Even though I tell half of them off, they still write in. Do you have any sympathy for me now?

 

I have a question for you Great and Powerful Obi Wan Cannoli,

I dated this married guy, who we will call Joe, for 2 years. We just recently split up, and shortly after, I bumped into his single best friend. He seems to be into me, we talk/text each other a lot, but neither one of us has said anything about hanging out. I think we both feel a little weird about it because we don’t want to upset Joe.

 

Dear Available,

Screw the married idiot and his feelings. Invite Mr. Single over for dinner, I hope you can cook!

 

Well, that’s all the nutty questions for this month. Ciao for now!

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